Octet Configuration
by pseudo-quill
Summary: Love is like chemistry. At least, that's what Fai thinks. But what's he to do when all he wants for Christmas is... a noble gas. Horitsuba. Beware the alcohol, Yuuko's spiked punch, and a smothering amount of corn and sap!


**A/N: ATTENTION! This is a very important AN to read if you've forgotten your chemistry. If not, just skip ahead to the story. ****(If you're a chemistry student, don't pick on me for not being completely accurate. I'm censoring out a lot so that people who don't remember a thing about chemistry won't be confused. I'm also only a high-school student, so I won't know as much as someone taking med or something in uni.)**

**What Fai is referring to is actually ionic bonding in particular. Basically, chemistry is all about particles trying to be as stable as they can, meaning they won't explode or something if you expose it to something. In ionic bonding, you'll have two charged particles—one positively charged, one negatively charged—bonding together so that they will be less unstable. Charge is determined by the number of electrons the particle has because electrons are NEGATIVELY charged. **

**The most stable you can get is if you've attained the noble gas configuration/ octet configuration, this means you have 8 electrons. Group VIII elements—aka the noble gases—already have 8 electrons, so they're very very stable and don't really react much with other particles (they don't need to because they're already stable enough as it is). But say I'm a particle with a charge of +1 and you're a particle with a charge of -1, this means that I'm one electron short and you've got one electron too many. Thus, you would form a bond with me (called an ionic bond) by giving me one of your electrons. Bond formed, we're now stuck together and our charge together is 0.**

**However, sometimes you might not be so lucky, so maybe I have a charge of +1, and you have a charge of -2. This means that while you have TWO electrons too many this time, but I still only need one! But we say, "Ah, whatever. Let's just do this thing." and bond anyway. But the bond isn't as stable (I mean, if you're with a spouse who isn't very compatible with you, then your marriage won't be as strong right?) because together our charge is -1! So say now another someone comes in with a charge of +2, which is perfect for you. So then you'll break up with me and go marry that guy. That's the way chemistry is, sorry.**

**I hope you could understand what I was saying, if not... I don't know. GO AND READ ANYWAY. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own TRC, Moulin Rouge, Silver Bells, White Christmas, and All I Want for Christmas. ****I was listening to Michael Buble's christmas album while writing this, so I'll tell you that I do not own that either.**

**Warnings: Yaoi, kissing, groping, alcohol and drunken antics. Unsavory amounts of corn and cliches. Sort of angsty before it gets fluffy. Two cracky omakes.**

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><p><em>Silver bells, silver bells,<br>__It's Christmas time in the city._

Fai had always loved these annual balls. The dancing and the laughter, it lit up the room with its radiance. Wreaths of holly hung from the ceilings and over doorways sprigs of mistletoe dangled impishly, waiting to ambush unsuspecting couples with its presence. Yuuko had invested in a couple of grand ice sculptures, which decorated the refreshment tables and also served a double purpose of chilling sliced fruits and other deserts. On a small stage off to the side, a live band played Christmas songs to which couples danced to. The look in their shy eyes made him feel light-headed and incredibly warm in the pit of his stomach, even the lights stringed around the room seemed to glow like sparks of fay-magic from the romance in the air.

Or that really could just have been the sake.

_Ring-a-ling, hear them sing,  
><em>_Soon it will be Christmas day._

Fai stared forlornly at his empty cup for a moment, debating shortly with himself. Should he wait for that certain red-eyed gym teacher to return from the bathroom, and make the man fetch him a drink? But how long would that leave him without a _single drop of alcohol_? Perhaps he should simply get up to retrieve one himself. But who _knew _just how troublesome that would be. This was a high school Christmas party after all, and the alcohol had to be kept out of reach of all those minors; though the chemistry teacher did suspect that Yuuko had spiked the punch. _Again_. He was saved from his dilemma as Watanuki struggled past the table, grumbling to himself as he dragged a large sack of clinking bottles along with one hand, and clutched another load of bottles to his chest with the other.

"Watanuki-kun~!" Fai singsonged, reaching out to snag a bony elbow, "I don't suppose I could steal a few bottles for Kuro-puu-sensi and myself, could I?"

Watanuki hesitated and the blonde pouted at his student.

"_Pleaaaase?_" He wheedled shamelessly, "You have so many and it's not like I could possibly drink _all_ of them."

The student thought about it for a moment before a dark scowl furrowed his brow.

"Well, it'll serve that witch right for making me lug all these for her," the black-haired boy grumbled, and allowed the teacher to take his pick from his bounteous treasure hoard, "Yuuko-sensei shouldn't drink so much anyway."

Fai poured himself a glass of what appeared to be vodka and took a tentative sip. He was still crowing over the fine quality of his spoils when his drinking companion returned to their table; Yuuko _always_ had the best alcohol.

"Look, Kuro-chi-sensei! I got more alcohol for us!"

To the blonde's utter bafflement, his announcement earned an even darker scowl from the gym teacher.

"Ah, dammit," grumbled the man, "I swiped some sake on the way back. Now what am I going to do with it?"

Fai eyed the sake bottle—he was surprised it hadn't cracked from the way Kurogane had slammed it so forcefully down onto the table—thoughtfully for a few moments before shifting his gaze to his half-empty glass of vodka. Then he reached out, snagged the sake bottle by its slim neck, and dumped some into his vodka.

"There," he said triumphantly, ignoring his companion's outraged protests, "Problem solved."

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><p>A few hours of alcohol, randomly mixed by the gleeful blonde, had Fai squinting through his untouched glass of cold water (why drink water when you have alcohol?) in a strangely fascinated manner. Scrawled sloppily over the condensation was a mess of hearts and smiley-faces, and Kurogane found himself sighing at the pure <em>immaturity<em> of the man opposite him.

"Kuurro-run," Fai slurred, "I luuurve school balls. 'Cause th' dressesh are sooo shi~nyy. It looks real pretty through tha water glass... Look, pup-pup! Sooo shiny."

"What'd you call me?" Kurogane demanded, "You're _drunk,_ moron."

Fai slammed the glass down on the table, sloshing a good amount of its contents down his front.

"Kuro-kettle shouldn't—" he hiccuped,"—shouldn't... call black puppies."

It took Kurogane much longer than it should have to figure out that Fai had probably meant to say something along the lines of pots calling kettles black, brain considerably slowed by the alcohol. It took him slightly longer before he figured out what the man was referring to but when he did he slammed a large hand onto the table, causing the glass of water to tip over and empty the rest of its contents over the blonde's lap. Fai yelped at the sudden coldness soaking through his clothes.

"I'm not drunk!"

Okay, so maybe that wasn't quite true. Kurogane was feeling rather giddy himself. And the lights around the room did seem a whole lot shinier than it did a few hours ago. He would admit that much. But he definitely wasn't as drunk as that idiot chemistry teacher. The man drank like a fish and he didn't think he'd seen him this genuinely drunk off his ass before. Not that being drunk made much of a difference in his character; he just slurred more and lost whatever small amount of intelligence he had managed to cram into that empty skull of his.

"I should set Kuro-liar's pants on fire," the blonde sniffed haughtily and tossed back his drink, or rather, attempted to toss back his drink. The rim of his glass missed his lips, and he ended up pouring the drink all over himself.

Kurogane snorted at the look of confusion on Fai's pale face as he stared at his empty glass—still trying to process how his alcohol had seeming vanished when he _clearly_ hadn't tasted it going down his throat—and pushed his own glass across the table. He didn't trust the man to pour himself another glass in his current state. And if the gym teacher spilled some of the whiskey over the table, it was only because the damned blonde was being distracting by trying to pour the potent mixture from Kurogane's cup into his own.

"What _are_ you doing?"

Fai blinked in an entirely too adorable manner, crystal blue eyes wide.

"I'm pourin' the drink to my cup, so I c'n drink it," he explained, hiccuping in a manner almost indignant, "Kuro-kicchi's sucha silly pup."

He turned back to his ridiculous attempts to transfer the drink into his glass. Kurogane closed his eyes and counted to ten.

"Just drink straight straight from my cup you _idiot!_"

Fai blinked again, looking endearingly baffled for a whole second before his eyes widened in comprehension and he emitted a soft, "Oh."

Kurogane groaned and dragged his palm across his face.

"How much have you had?" he asked, "You're _smashed_."

The chemistry teacher giggled as he drank the remainder of the goldenish liquid in Kurogane's glass and emptied his own of the small amount that he had actually managed to get in, smacking his lips happily. Humming contentedly, he reached for a bottle of what appeared to be rum.

"Just a lil' bit."

Kurogane snatched the bottle from his grasp, cursing as the alcohol sloshed over his thighs. He hadn't noticed that he had already been opened.

"Did you drink before coming?" he asked brusquely, pouring the rum into Fai's glass and using it to top his half-drunk glass of whiskey to the brim, and then some. It was getting alarmingly hard for him to gauge when to stop pouring. It was also getting alarmingly hard to remember what drink he'd had in the glass whenever he wanted to top it up, no matter how he protested mixing perfectly good alcohol; mixing ruined the individual tastes in his opinion, unless the drink was some sort of cocktail. Cocktails tasted pretty good.

"Mmhmm," Fai hummed an affirmative and tested the rum, smacking his lips in appreciation, "while waitin' for Kuro-rinta. But he... he didn't show."

The gym teacher winced at the genuine look of hurt that flashed through his colleague's blue eyes despite the brilliant smile on his face.

"Waited," the blonde murmured, as he emptied his glass in one fell swoop, "Real long. Decided to come by m'self when I wazz startin' ter get tipsy."

As the blonde downed a few more glasses, Kurogane felt like telling him that he was sorry, but couldn't seem to get it past his lips. So what came out instead was:

"Tomoyo asked me to fetch her here last minute," he winced at how much of an excuse that sounded like, "then I got stuck in traffic while driving over to meet you."

"S'alright," Fai slurred, waving a hand dismissively, "Doesn't matter 'nyway."

The chemistry teacher proceeded to knock back a few more glasses, still grinning. He didn't meet Kurogane's eye. The gym teacher deliberated between pursuing the issue and leaving it, before deciding that he was in no way drunk enough for the conversation that would follow, not then in any case.

He sat back guiltily and reached for his glass.

A loud round of applause drew their attention to the stage where the singer—a busty curly-haired woman in a long, low-cut, black cocktail dress—bowed gracefully. She blew a kiss towards a group whooping rowdily towards the back of the large hall. Kurogane suspected it had something to do with the spiked punch; the rowdy kids, that is, not the singer.

"Thank you," she said, bowing once more, "that was Bing Crosby's White Christmas. Our next song is called..." she turned to refer to the score on the grand piano, and Kurogane tuned her out and turned back to his companion.

"What is up with all these christmasy songs anyway?" he grumbled, "They've been singing Christmas songs since the damn ball started."

Fai spoke over another round of applause.

"S' a _Christmas_ ball, silly Kuro," he said, stumbling slightly over his 'S's "course there'll be christmasss—masy...christmasy songs. Christmasy songs."

"It's not Christmas yet."

"Course not," the piano started playing a long introduction in the background and Fai raised his voice slightly to speak over a second round of applause, "Christmas s'for you ter go an' be with th'people you love..." The blonde trailed off, knuckles so white around his glass that Kurogane reached over to pry his fingers off. If he broke it, Yuuko would make him pay a ridiculous amount for it for 'not taking care of someone who was obviously not himself'. It wasn't like he cared if the idiot would get hurt. He could go cut himself to pieces if he wanted to.

"You don't have anyone to spend Christmas with?"

Fai bravely attempted a smile just as Oruha began to sing.

_I don't want a lot for Christmas,  
><em>_There is just one thing I need._

"I do, but he's... he's not 'ere," and he looked so miserable that Kurogane guiltily regretted asking about it, "He's in Italy. I miss him, but I can't—can't go t'see him." The blonde's lower lip trembled dangerously. Well, Kurogane had always pretty much known that Fai probably had someone—he was too attractive not to—but it wasn't like he cared anyway. He cleared his throat. His chest felt a little clogged up, probably indigestion from drinking too much or something.

"How 'bout Kuro-pin?"

Kurogane scoffed.

"I don't care for love."

For some strange reason, Fai looked more upset than he thought he'd be at that.

"But—but why'ver not? v'heard it's wonderful. They say love's like...love's like... like oxygen! All you need s'love!"

The gym teacher cocked an eyebrow.

"Where the hell did you hear that line from?"

The blonde frowned adorably, brows furrowed ferociously as he thought, "Don't 'member. Pro'bly will t'morrow."

Kurogane sighed and dropped his face into a hand.

"Wait, wait!" cried the chemistry teacher, leaning over the slap his co-worker's arm in an effort to get his attention,"Love's like chemistry! S'all about stability, you see, you want someone else t'share th' negatives with you so that it seems like ev'thin s'more positive. When th' attraction 'tween you's stronger, you're less likely t'go find someone else. 'Cause when you find...when you find someone y're more attracted to, you'll leave with'im, right?"

The gym teacher had no idea what all that crap he just spouted had _anything _to do with chemistry. But then again, he wasn't a insane chemistry teacher so he couldn't really say much.

_I just want you for my own,_

"But," Fai continued in a whisper, suddenly all badly-hidden melancholy again, "Some people're too strong, too stable. He doesn't—dun'need anyone, dun'need me, dun'need love. Even if I need him, he won't—_he won't want me_."

_More than you could ever know._

"That doesn't sound wonderful at all," Kurogane remarked, seeing how upset the blonde had gotten again.

"Maybe s'wonderful only when y're in a relationship?" suggested Fai, shrugging as he retrieved his confiscated glass, "Wouldn't know. M'not in a relationship." He tossed his glass back, downing the entire glass.

The dark-haired teacher's eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline from how high up his tanned forehead they shot, "How about your boyfriend in Italy?"

Fai spat the drink back out, looking aghast.

"_Yuui is not my boyfriend!_" he cried, scandalized, digging into his pocket and producing his wallet (which he promptly dropped and nearly fell off his seat trying to pick back up). He opened it up and shoved it in his companion's face,"_This_ is Yuui." Kurogane's eyes crossed as he attempted to focus on the small picture partially obscured by Fai's thumb. He blinked and it came into focus for a split-second before blurring again, but that split second was more than enough for him to make him grit his teeth. He didn't have the patience for this.

"That's _you_, idiot."

"That's _Yuui_."

"No, it isn't. You're drunk off your—"

He broke off in shock as Fai moved his thumb away, revealing what looked to be _himself_, standing beside _himself,_ grinning and hugging _himself! _

"You have a _twin?"_ Kurogane roared in disbelief. _Shit, there were two of them._

Fai nodded proudly and withdrew his wallet, tracing a finger lovingly over his twin's calm face and smiling at it like a bloody fool. The gym teacher felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. The idiot's stupid depression must have been weighing him down, which was probably why he felt so light now; the damn blonde wasn't all doom-and-gloom anymore. That's was why.

"I've already gott'n him a present. Even if I can't giv'it to him now, I'll just keep it until the day I can give 'im _aaaaallll _his presents at once," suddenly he turned to beam at Kurogane, "I've boughtten one for you too! Have you boughtten one fer'me?

_Oh, I won't ask for much this Christmas.  
><em>_I won't even wish for snow._

Ignoring the chemistry teacher's blatant desecration of the English language, he shook his head.

"What's the point?" he grunted.

"S' to... to show love to th' people around you!" Fai argued.

"I don't care for love," Kurogane repeated.

_And I'm just gonna keep on waiting,_

The blonde smiled sadly.

"But of course," he murmured.

_Underneath the mistletoe._

They both lapsed back into silence, this time without even a song change as an impetus for a change of topic. Kurogane had the feeling that it was what he had said that made Fai look so deep in thought right now, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out why. Fingers clasped loosely around the stem of his glass, the blonde stared half-lidded onto the dance floor, not really watching the dancing couples either. His blue eyes were more open than Kurogane had ever seen now that he was too drunk and too preoccupied to remember to smile that _infuriating_ smile, showing an intelligence that was rarely allowed to surface over the guise of a babbling simpleton. It was pretty clouded by the alcohol though.

_Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas._

Seizing on another change of topic, Kurogane whipped back to the blonde.

"So what _do_ you want for Christmas?"

The pale man stiffened.

_This is all I'm asking for._

"You're not supposed t'ask," he said breathlessly.

_Oh, I just want you for my own,_

"Just say it already," grumbled the gym teacher.

_More than you could ever know_

"I won't get it, there's no point in saying."

_Make my wish come true._

"Tell me anyway?"

It was that uncharacteristically gentle tone in his companion's voice that did him in.

_Baby, all I want for Christmas is..._

Fai closed his eyes.

'_You,' _he whispered.

There was a silence as the song ended.

"_What?"_

His eyes flew open.

_He hadn't meant for the other man to hear him!_

"I—"

Loud clapping cut him off but all he could see was Kurogane staring wordlessly at him over the table, ruby eyes wide.

"I have to go."

And then he turned and fled.

A group of his students cried out and he forced his way through, blinking blearily at his retreating back as some of the less tipsy ones called out to him in concern. Fai ignored them and stumbled out of the side door leading to the gardens, trying to fight down the bile rising up his throat. His co-ordination was pretty much shot to hell, and so he found himself falling down the steps leading into the garden. He shot up unthinkingly and took one step before he found himself collapsing back onto his knees, head spinning as he dry-heaved over the bushes that lined the balustraded walkways along the school compound; he hadn't had dinner, so he didn't really have any cookies to toss.

A warm, large hand laid itself on his back, stroking soothingly.

Fai groaned and twisted around to slap the hand away. The motion did nothing but to make his head spin some more. He turned back and dry-heaved over the bushes once more. When he was done, a glass of water was handed to him. He swished it around his mouth and spat it into the bush, then downed the remainder of the glass. He stood, pointedly not looking at his companion, and began to walk away. A hand closed around his elbow.

"Did you mean it?"

The blonde tried to jerk his arm away, but Kurogane held fast.

"I dun...dunneed your pity. _Okay?_"

"It's not pity. I—"

"Y're lying. Kuro-kun is a Group VIII."

"Wha—? What the _hell_ does that mean?"

"Noble gas. V'ry low chemical reactivity."

"_What?" _

He tried to tug his arm from gym teacher again but the man pulled him back and turned him around to face him, red eyes unbearably piercing. Fai lowered his gaze to a broad chest, allowing his bangs to hide his face.

"Stop looking at me," he whispered, shoving at the underside of Kurogane's jaw.

"Hey— Stop that, you—" the ebony-haired man froze mid-protest, blinking at something above them, "_Mistletoe?_"

Fai immediately looked up as well.

There, extending innocently from between the balusters of the second-floor balcony, was a long sprig of mistletoe. The blonde felt his heart fall in disbelief; that shouldn't have been there—he had put up the mistletoe for the party, he would know. The gym teacher slowly looked down at him with a strange look on his face.

"No," he said, pushing at the firm chest in front of him.

"It's tradition," Kurogane argued absently, leaning closer.

"A stupid one," Fai insisted, adopting the gym teacher's usual protest.

The larger man hummed distractedly, and gently lifted a pale chin with a long finger, "Why does it sound like we've switched?"

Despite himself, the blonde felt his eyes flutter closed as their noses slid softly against one another.

"Stop'pit," he whispered breathlessly, "This isn't...this isn't funny 'nymore."

Another pair of lips brushed lightly against his own.

"That's good," the gym teacher murmured against his lips, "I wasn't trying to be funny."

And then he pressed closer, cutting off any reply Fai may have made. The blonde found himself melting against the other man's body, sliding his hands over broad shoulders and letting his mouth fall open compliantly at the swipe of a warm tongue over his lip. For a while, there was just the quiet wet sounds of exploring tongues, and little gasps of delighted surprise at the probing of a particularly sensitive spot. Finally, he moaned as Kurogane sucked on his tongue and nipped at his bottom lip before withdrawing.

"You taste like alcohol," he remarked and, burying his face into the side of a pale neck with a deep inhale, added, "Smell like alcohol too."

Pointedly ignoring that, Fai slipped his arms from around the gym teacher's neck and wrapped them around the man's waist instead, laying his cold cheek over a warm collarbone as he sighed in lazy, self-satisfied contentment.

"Since I 'lready have what I wanted fer' Christmas," he slurred happily, "Kuro-tan's gotta get me somethin' else for Christmas now." He walked his fingers teasingly slow down Kurogane's back and gave his ass a good grope in an obvious hint. The gym teacher wasn't exactly sober enough to even _think_ to protest, so he just allowed it; he was pretty content in keeping his nose pressed into the hollow under his lover's—Yes, his lover. His _lover. His _lover—jaw and just enjoying the flutter of a throbbing pulse.

"Greedy."

Fai giggled drunkenly.

"Can n'ver have too much of Kuro-sexy."

Kurogane only rubbed his face into the blonde's shoulder (if he still remembered tomorrow, Fai would make sure to properly tease him about it), and said nothing. The chemistry teacher turned and pressed a chaste kiss on the man's temple. The snow was falling around them, the lights draping over oversized ice sculptures glowing like a thousand fireflies in the dark, Oruha's mellow voice and the slightly inebriated chatter of intoxicated students floating dreamily out into the garden through the lighted doorway. A handphone twinkled a merry, music-box carol amidst the homely clinking of glasses.

"Merry Christmas, Kuro-sama."

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**Omake #1**

"Are they gone?"

"Mokona thinks so."

"Mokona thinks so too."

A black paw withdrew from between the pillars of the balustrade.

"Mokona did well," said one.

"Mokona is a he~ro!" agreed the other.

"Let's go tell Yuuko!" they said in unison.

Two pairs of tiny feet—one black, one white—pattered quickly away.

A single sprig of mistletoe lay abandoned on the floor.

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**Omake #2**

"You have a _twin?"_ Kurogane roared in disbelief, "Shit...that's _hot_."

Fai nodded proudly and withdrew his wallet.

"It is, isn't it?"

Kurogane gaped for a long moment.

"Soooo..." Fai paused teasingly, walking his fingers flirtatiously up a tanned arm, "Wanna have a threesome?"

A couple of students standing nearby choked on their drinks.

"Well, _hell_ yeah!"

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**Baby, all I want for Christmas is...**

**REVIEWS.**

**Thank you all, and a very merry Christmas to you.**

**(It hurt me to write this, because I love KuroxYuuixFai. Thus the omake.)**


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